U.S.

Amazon Cancels Prime Sharing — Jeff Bezos Says Love Is Weakness

Leonard Cluckens

03 Sep 2025 — 1 min read

SEATTLE, WA — Amazon announced today it is ending the popular Prime perk that allowed members to send free two-day shipping to friends and family. The move, according to sources inside Amazon, was designed to finally stamp out the last vestiges of human affection.

“Love is weakness,” Jeff Bezos allegedly muttered from inside his diamond-encrusted rocket chamber. “If your grandma wants free shipping, she can get a job at the warehouse like everyone else.”

Analysts predict the change will devastate families nationwide, as Americans now face the unthinkable prospect of either paying $6.99 for shipping or — even worse — visiting their loved ones in person.

Trump Signs Order: IRS to Become Internal Theft Service

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Declaring his commitment to “honesty in government,” Donald Trump announced today that the Internal Revenue Service will officially be renamed the Internal Theft Service. “Look, everybody hates taxes. Everybody knows it’s theft,” Trump said, unveiling a new IRS logo featuring Uncle Sam reaching into a citizen’

Zohran Mamdani Challenges Trump to Public Beyblade Match

NEW YORK — State Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani stunned reporters today by issuing a direct challenge to Donald Trump: settle political differences with a public Beyblade battle. “Talk is cheap. Let it rip,” Mamdani declared, slamming his launcher onto a folding table outside Trump Tower. “If he wins, I’ll endorse him.

Trump Announces Strike on Venezuelan Drug Boat, Coast Guard Confirms It Was Just a Carnival Cruise

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump proudly declared that the U.S. military had struck a Venezuelan vessel “packed with massive amounts of drugs, the biggest shipment anyone’s ever seen.” The Coast Guard, however, later clarified that the “drug boat” in question was actually a Carnival Cruise ship

Liberal Women Confused After Still Having Their Reproductive Rights, Unsure What To Protest

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Progressive activists were left stunned and disoriented this week after discovering that their reproductive rights had not, in fact, been stripped away overnight. “I woke up, checked my phone, and realized I could still make my own medical decisions,” said Brooklyn resident Skylar Moon-Fernández, holding a protest

Read more

Trump Signs Order: IRS to Become Internal Theft Service

Zohran Mamdani Challenges Trump to Public Beyblade Match

Trump Announces Strike on Venezuelan Drug Boat, Coast Guard Confirms It Was Just a Carnival Cruise

Liberal Women Confused After Still Having Their Reproductive Rights, Unsure What To Protest