Kamala Harris Secures DNC deal to Pay Off $20 Million Tab at Olive Garden
In a move described by insiders as both “bold” and “breadstick-fueled,” Former Vice President Kamala Harris and the Democratic National Committee have finalized a handshake agreement to cover a staggering $20.5 million in outstanding debts.
The bills, sources confirm, are not campaign expenses in the traditional sense but rather a collection of extravagant tabs at chain restaurants, DoorDash orders that never got tipped, and a mysterious $3 million line item for “vibes consulting,”
Harris has promised to raise the money herself, reportedly by launching a GoFundMe titled “Help Kamala Pay Off the Tab (No Refunds, Democracy Is Expensive).”
Small donors, however, feel betrayed. “I thought my $15 donation was buying democracy,” said Linda, 67, from Ohio. “Turns out it bought Kamala’s Uber Black ride to the airport after she forgot she already had Secret Service.”
A DNC spokesperson defended the handshake deal. “Look, this is how politics works,” they explained. “We spend millions, then we spend millions more explaining why we spent millions. The important thing is we shook hands, and nobody washed afterwards.”
