Local Man Adds Pronouns To Resume, Still Doesn’t Get Job Because He’s Annoying

SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local resident and self-described “thought leader” Kyle Henderson updated his résumé last week to include his preferred pronouns, confident this would make him irresistible to potential employers.

Unfortunately, hiring managers reported that Henderson’s pronouns weren’t the problem — it was the fact that he spent twenty minutes of every interview explaining his “personal brand,” correcting people’s word choices, and insisting that Slack channels be renamed “safe spaces.”

“Nobody cares what he calls himself,” Carter explained. “We care that he introduced himself as a ‘visionary’ three separate times before sitting down.”

Sources confirm Henderson is still unemployed, though he remains hopeful that his upcoming TEDx talk titled ‘Disrupting Professionalism Through Self-Identification’ will finally land him a position.