World
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump proudly declared that the U.S. military had struck a Venezuelan vessel “packed with massive amounts of drugs, the biggest shipment anyone’s ever seen.” The Coast Guard, however, later clarified that the “drug boat” in question was actually a Carnival Cruise ship
World
LONDON — Travelers at Heathrow Airport were treated to a dramatic display of British law enforcement this week when five armed police officers successfully detained Irish comedy writer Graham Linehan, whose most dangerous weapon appeared to be an "X" account. Authorities say the arrest was made possible by a
World
GAZA — Climate activist Greta Thunberg has docked her borrowed luxury superyacht off the Gaza coast, declaring she has come to “shame the militants into going green.” Witnesses say Thunberg stood proudly on the yacht’s marble deck, sipping sparkling water and condemning both sides of the conflict for “choosing fossil
Politics
KYIV — In a historic twist, former President Donald Trump showed up to Ukraine peace negotiations armed not with diplomats or policy advisors, but with a battered deck of UNO cards, announcing that whoever wins “best of seven” will get Crimea. “UNO is a tremendous game, maybe the best game,” Trump
World
SCOTLAND — After a 14-year-old girl was arrested for brandishing a knife to scare off a would-be attacker, authorities have clarified that her real crime was “not filing for the proper robotics permit.” “Self-defense is legal,” explained Police Chief Nigel Fotheringay, adjusting his medal-covered uniform. “But only if conducted via state-approved