Trump Arrives At Ukraine Peace Talks With UNO Deck, Says Winner Gets Crimea

KYIV — In a historic twist, former President Donald Trump showed up to Ukraine peace negotiations armed not with diplomats or policy advisors, but with a battered deck of UNO cards, announcing that whoever wins “best of seven” will get Crimea.

“UNO is a tremendous game, maybe the best game,” Trump told reporters, shuffling poorly while dropping half the cards under the table. “Very fair, very honest — unlike NATO"

According to insiders, the first round quickly derailed after Trump laid down a Draw Four, prompting Russian President Vladimir Putin to storm out of the room claiming the card was “played illegally.” Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky reportedly tried to challenge, but Trump refused to show his hand, citing “executive privilege.”