Trump Brushes Off Health Rumors, Boasts His Blood Pressure Is Higher Than Any President’s In History
PALM BEACH, FL — Brushing aside concerns about his health, Donald Trump proudly announced today that his blood pressure is “the highest, strongest, and most beautiful blood pressure ever recorded in the history of presidents.”
Doctors noted the reading was technically life-threatening, but Trump insisted it was simply “record-setting.” “The fake news media wants you to think it’s bad, but I’ve been told my numbers are tremendous,” Trump said. “Biden’s blood pressure is weak, pathetic — barely over 100. Mine? Mine’s huge. Everyone’s saying it.”
Supporters cheered the announcement, with campaign staff already printing “Make Arteries Great Again” hats. Meanwhile, cardiologists nationwide braced for a sudden surge in fainting spells.
