Trump Designates Antifa as Terror Group, Alongside “People Who Drive Slow in the Left Lane”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that combined national security with highway rage, former President Donald Trump announced today that Antifa will officially be designated a terrorist organization, right alongside “people who drive slow in the left lane.”
“Antifa? Bad. Very bad. Everybody knows that,” Trump told reporters. “But the biggest threat facing this country—maybe bigger than China, maybe bigger than anyone—is the menace of people who get into the left lane and then drive like 55 miles per hour. Total disaster. Everybody’s talking about it.”
The Department of Transportation, which has never before shared counterterrorism duties with Homeland Security, confirmed it is already drafting a “No-Fly and No-Pass” list. Suspects will be barred from obtaining driver’s licenses, renting U-Hauls, or merging during rush hour.
According to insiders, the administration will also deploy undercover troopers in Camrys to flush out left-lane loafers. “We’re calling it Operation Fast & Courteous,” one official said.
Political analysts noted the decision was a rare bipartisan hit: conservatives applauded the crackdown on Antifa, while liberals admitted, “Okay, the left-lane thing is pretty valid.”
