Trump Relocates Space Command To Alabama, Announces Next Shuttle Will Be Sponsored By Waffle House
HUNTSVILLE, AL — In a move baffling both military analysts and hash brown enthusiasts, former President Donald Trump announced the official relocation of U.S. Space Command from Colorado to Alabama, unveiling a rocket emblazoned with the Waffle House logo as proof that the future of space exploration lies somewhere between low Earth orbit and a plate of scattered, smothered, and covered hash browns.
“Alabama is the heart of America, and Waffle House is the heart of Alabama,” Trump declared at a press conference that was suspiciously held inside a Waffle House parking lot. “Our astronauts will now have 24-hour access to waffles, coffee, and affordable late-night fistfights — everything you need to succeed in space.”
The new Space Command facility is expected to feature a state-of-the-art launch pad, mission control center, and a jukebox that only plays Lynyrd Skynyrd. Engineers are reportedly hard at work modifying shuttle cockpits to include syrup dispensers and booths with sticky vinyl seats.
